Oscar Flubs and Misses

I'm sorry, but I don't consider those Oscar shoes.

There are so many articles dedicated to the fabulosity of the Oscars that I've decided to dedicate my thoughts to some of my more slanted observations from last night.

My first shock of the night was crypt keeper Liza Minnelli and her siblings.  I heard they were going to perform in dedication to the 75th anniversary of their mother's famous movie, The Wizard of Oz, but I was secretly relieved when they didn't.  Apparently there wasn't enough embalming fluid in the state of California available to pump them up and Pink, from my hometown Philadelphia, came to the rescue and did such a memorable rendition of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" that for a moment, I was 9 years old again and sitting on the floor of my old living room in front of our huge RCA TV, seven hours before the show was to air, afraid to miss the one time they aired it during the Christmas season.

The original Scarecrow on the right.

There were other Night of the Living Dead moments.  Without Matthew McConaughey to steer her around, Kim Novak's face could have easily melted by getting too close to the hot lights.  Note to Self:  Check to see if facial fillers are flame retardant before you consider.  And poor Sidney Poitier, being held up by Angelina Jolie...and scary Goldie Hawn...why do they parade these people in front of the millions of us knowing we all have HDTV.

Her plastic surgeon should lose his license.

86 year old Sidney Poitier literally being held up by Angelina Jolie so he doesn't cave in.

Goldie Hawn celebrating her 86th year attending the Oscar's

And, as if John Travolta isn't totally creepy enough, we all witnessed a Vinny Barbarino moment when he introduced Idina Menzel as Adele Dazeem.  It's not like you don't have a Q-card spelling the name phonetically right in front of your Beautiful Chrissy Growing Hair Doll head.  Plus, you get to practice the name a time or two before.  If others can say Lupita Nyong'o, Chiwetel Ejiofor and Quvenzhane Wallis all in the same evening, you can spit out Idina Menzel for gods sake.

If John Travolta's display of verbal tongue twisting is any indication of what Scientology has to offer, Idina Menzel will never join.

 
Am I the only one getting a little tired of Jennifer Lawrence falling all over the place.  Is that her good luck charm?  More like a desperate plea for attention.  I'm so glad Nyita Longo, no, oh sorry...I mean Nolonger Pepita...whatever, won for Twelve Years a Slave.

 

Jennifer Lawrence should wear different shoes.

Only Mickey Rooney had the sense to stay off the red carpet.  But then again, I'm not sure he can walk.

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Harrison Ford checking Mickey Rooney's pulse...just to be sure.

Spoiler Alert! Angelina Jolie Is Getting A Watch As Her Wedding Gift

Reportedly, Brad Pitt has purchased a Patek Philippe Minute Repeater as a wedding gift for Angelina Jolie because soon they will have a wedding that will be so ordinary/incredible; low-key/mind-blowing; understated/over-the-top that you won't believe it until you read it in Us Weekly.

A Patek Philippe Minute Repeater is rare in the watch world.  Basically, a repeater is a watch that sounds on the hour, which is how often Jolie does a child count to make sure she has not misplaced one of her brood.  Jolie's Patek will reportedly sound chimes based on Big Ben (of course it will).  Like the guy version of the Berkin Bag waiting list, it can take up to two years to get one of these watches.  The classically beautiful watch is custom made, 18K rose gold, mother of pearl dial and a leather strap and costs in the neighborhood of $400,000.  Every one is checked by a member of the Stern family (owner's of Patek) at their headquarters in Geneva, Switzerland.

The company said in a statement: “The Patek Philippe Ladies Minute Repeater has a two year waiting list and is only granted to those who apply for the watch and meet the required criteria to own it."  I guess Brad and Angelina qualify.

Angelina Jolie's New Jewelry Line Is As Bland As She Appears To Be

Superfierce enough already.  

Angelina Jolie is partnering with Robert Procop, the designer who worked with Brad Pitt to make her engagement ring, to exhibit a jewelry collection bearing her name, Style of Jolie, at the Grand Hotel in Cap Ferrat and Monaco's Hotel de Paris from July 15 through August 15, with proceeds from sales going to a charity of Jolie's choice.

Take a look at the jewelry, along with her engagement ring.  Jewelry supposedly reflects your personality and Jolie's pieces seem to be as blank as she is.  She rarely smiles in photos, afraid to project any aspect of what's really going on in her life lest she be judged or revealed.

Jolie seldom wears jewelry that sparkles.  She seems so serious all the time.  I wonder if she's ever been one of those crazy moms who rolls around on the floor with her children, build forts out of blankets over chairs, makes baking soda volcanoes, lets her daughters into her makeup, or allow her kids to eat chocolate for breakfast?  Someone needs to give Jolie a zzuugghh.

Emeralds...said to be Jolie's favorite.

 

Matching emerald bracelet.

Looks like Pier 1 jewelry but is actually a 27 carat emerald ring.

Green quartz tablet earrings.

Emerald cut diamonds have fewer facets so they're don't have the sparkle of other cuts, but that also means that they need to be the best quality.  Jolie's ring was designed by Brad Pitt and is thought to be 17 carats made from the finest diamonds available.  But even it is flat.

Jewelry at the 2012 Golden Globes

Here's some of the fantastic jewelry from last night's Golden Globe's award show.  If your name was Fred or Lorraine, you were more important than the friggin' award's...

Looking a little like a Q-tip tinged with a drop of blood, Angelina looked so bored I wondered why she even showed up.  Scarecrow...I'll miss you most of all.

Then... I saw these.  Lorraine Schwartz's 25 total carat weight round diamond earrings.  You can't even call them studs.  Each diamond weighs a whopping 12.5 carats.  I hope Angelina is comfortable about where these diamonds came from... like not her daughter's backyard.

Julianna Margulies wearing Lorraine Schwartz's amazing green jade and diamond double drop earrings.

Julianna Margulies.  The mistress of simplicity and the opposite color wheel.
She always gets it right... and, as a bonus, you get a smile.

Beautiful Freida Pinto wore a Chopard necklace made with 145 carats of yellow diamonds and 1705 micro pave diamonds.  The necklace was important enough to come with it's own bodyguard...Freida, not so much.

Elle Macpherson looking a little wrinkly in her Lorraine Schwartz bangles.

I find Julianne Moore incredibly annoying...however, her Fred Leighton emerald earrings are not.
She has redeemed herself in my eyes... for the moment.

Heidi Klum wearing early Lorraine - back when she knew Wilma.

I thought Kate Beckinsdale was probably as close to perfection as they came.
Lorraine Schwartz diamond duster earrings complimented her outrageous hair. 

Jessica Alba (who is she...what did she do)...was actually a close tie (in my opinion) to best dressed.
Especially with these 37 carat Bulgari diamond earrings.

I am only showing Reese Witherspoon's Fred Leighton arm because the rest of her was...what?  Questionable?  Some say she looked like an extra pound had been applied equally around her normally near perfect body?  So hoo keyhas?  Jewels by Fred.

This is one of Sophia Vagara's most famous features on which rests the most amazing Harry Winston diamond cuffs.
Need I say anymore. 

This is Madonna.  Remember her?  Please tell me...what was with the glove?

Tilda Swinton's jewels by Fred Leighton...

Tilda Swinton's hair by Woodstock.

There is nothing like a Dame...Dame Helen Mirren in 1950's Fred Leighton's diamond and sapphire earrings.

Glenn Close wearing Wilfredo Rosado's 32 carat sapphire and diamond earrings.
Glenn is obsessed with Albert Nobbs as she is still in make-up.