Monday, March 3, 2014

Oscar Flubs and Misses

I'm sorry, but I don't consider those Oscar shoes.
There are so many articles dedicated to the fabulosity of the Oscars that I've decided to dedicate my thoughts to some of my more slanted observations from last night.

My first shock of the night was crypt keeper Liza Minnelli and her siblings.  I heard they were going to perform in dedication to the 75th anniversary of their mother's famous movie, The Wizard of Oz, but I was secretly relieved when they didn't.  Apparently there wasn't enough embalming fluid in the state of California available to pump them up and Pink, from my hometown Philadelphia, came to the rescue and did such a memorable rendition of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" that for a moment, I was 9 years old again and sitting on the floor of my old living room in front of our huge RCA TV, seven hours before the show was to air, afraid to miss the one time they aired it during the Christmas season.

The original Scarecrow on the right.

There were other Night of the Living Dead moments.  Without Matthew McConaughey to steer her around, Kim Novak's face could have easily melted by getting too close to the hot lights.  Note to Self:  Check to see if facial fillers are flame retardant before you consider.  And poor Sidney Poitier, being held up by Angelina Jolie...and scary Goldie Hawn...why do they parade these people in front of the millions of us knowing we all have HDTV.

Her plastic surgeon should lose his license.
86 year old Sidney Poitier literally being held up by Angelina Jolie so he doesn't cave in.
Goldie Hawn celebrating her 86th year attending the Oscar's
And, as if John Travolta isn't totally creepy enough, we all witnessed a Vinny Barbarino moment when he introduced Idina Menzel as Adele Dazeem.  It's not like you don't have a Q-card spelling the name phonetically right in front of your Beautiful Chrissy Growing Hair Doll head.  Plus, you get to practice the name a time or two before.  If others can say Lupita Nyong'o, Chiwetel Ejiofor and Quvenzhane Wallis all in the same evening, you can spit out Idina Menzel for gods sake.

If John Travolta's display of verbal tongue twisting is any indication of what Scientology has to offer, Idina Menzel will never join.
Am I the only one getting a little tired of Jennifer Lawrence falling all over the place.  Is that her good luck charm?  More like a desperate plea for attention.  I'm so glad Nyita Longo, no, oh sorry...I mean Nolonger Pepita...whatever, won for Twelve Years a Slave.

Jennifer Lawrence should wear different shoes.
Only Mickey Rooney had the sense to stay off the red carpet.  But then again, I'm not sure he can walk.

Harrison Ford checking Mickey Rooney's pulse...just to be sure.